


It's the end; it's nothing

by julischka



Series: Something ugly; something grand [1]
Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 16:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5632948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julischka/pseuds/julischka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Addition to the end of episode 1x10 'Cardiac Support'.<br/>After Neal's decision he encounters Christa. And he doesn't look too happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> I felt that after being introduced as a bit of a party pooper (opposite Leanne), Neal Hudson had become one of the big heroes and darlings of Code Black. (I'm melting just thinking abou- Anyway!) In addition to that I liked the chemistry between Neal and Christa. And then came episode 1x10 'Cardiac Support': I needed to sort out my feelings towards Neal, shine a better light on my favorite character. Plus: SHIPPIIIING.  
> (I'm not a native speaker, so please excuse my shortcomings.)

He had walked by her, she was almost smiling at him, the corner of her mouth twitching hopefully, and he had been tempted to respond. He didn’t though.  
He felt like it didn’t even have anything to do with her: She hadn’t changed, that wasn’t it. He liked her. A lot. People saw that.  
It was his view that had changed. One minute he hadn’t seen any conflict at all, and the next minute there was this big rift between them.  
And that was what threw him: The problem that made him angry – his feeling of being betrayed, shouldn’t have been directed towards Christa. Mario was the trouble maker, not her. She was hanging on his every word. She was teachable, she wanted to learn from him.  
He naively had assumed so much, and even if not all of that had been wrong, one important thing was: Sure, the ER residency personal were a team and all that, but the four residents were a clique, a clan, they had a covenant. And he was not a part of that.  
Christa’s loyalty had not lain with him but with Mario, her fellow resident. Of course it had. He may have tiptoed his way into a friendship with her. But unlike him Christa had never lost sight of the position he was in, which was one of responsibility and power. He had to stop thinking of her as someone who was on his side.  
He was on her side: as her mentor, trying to make her the best doctor he possibly could, trying to help shape and hone her abilities, to be there for her when she needed assistance or guidance.  
But their supposed mutual interest couldn’t go any further, at least not now. He had lost himself in the feeling that he had some kind of sway over her. She had looked at him as if she saw something that she would have wanted to –  
Maybe she had just been impressed by some of his skills. Maybe for her it had never been personal at all.  
He would step back beyond a line from now on, a line he never should have crossed in the first place. Both of them would concentrate on her training. And he would not let his emotions, his expectations and hopes – as much as it hurt to admit that: his ego – get in the way of that. She was not only older than the other residents. She was mature. He could meet her on the same level.

Neal walked by a smiling Christa. The look on her face was interested, anticipating; expectant even. They were good. He smiled back and got back to work.


	2. II

He had walked by her, seeing her smile and obviously – very clearly – choosing not to respond to it.  
The look on his face had been earnest, unforgiving; sad even.  
Dr. Hudson was disappointed, that much had been clear to her. It was to be expected with what went down and his role in it. What had thrown her, was that he wasn’t disappointed with Mario. He was disappointed with her.  
All of them had gotten a pass. Which made clear that while Dr. Hudson was angry about the manner of Mario’s execution, he didn’t condone the act itself. It seemed that even in Hudson’s eyes, Mario had made the right decision. But had she?  
“Are you asking me as an attending or as a friend?” “What’s the difference?”  
Not even the “technically not a lie”-argument could save her: She hadn’t known where exactly Mario was at that point, sure. Nonetheless she could have answered the question.  
No. She did answer the question and therein lay the lie. It wasn’t about the question and it wasn’t about Mario’s location. The issue was whether he had gone to do something, he specifically was told to delegate. And she had known damn well what was going on. Hudson had known, too.  
So was that lie really the only way of protecting Mario’s cause? Should she rather have talked to Hudson about it? Voiced her opinion, explained the reasoning? So far Hudson hat been very understanding and patient with their issues and problems. Way more than Dr. Rorish, actually. And while he hadn’t always conceded or backed down, he had always been helpful and provided means towards a solution.  
If there was one thing all four residents agreed upon, then it was the fact that Dr. Hudson listened. Maybe what made Dr. Rorish such a good doctor was that she was very determined and headstrong, possibly even pushy. But Christa was certain that what made Hudson a doctor with the potential to be at least as good as his teacher was that he was open, foresightful, understanding and considerate.  
And it was true what he had implied with his question: She had worked on becoming his friend; that had actually been one of her primary goals at Angels Memorial.  
Upon meeting him, the fascination and attraction had set in almost immediately. Since then she had kept her eyes and mind on him. A lot of people had noticed, surely, that she was trying to get closer to him.  
So now she was his student and his friend. And she really, desperately wanted to be both. Condemning him back to his exclusive role as attending probably had the potential to hurt that growing relationship if his expression earlier and his distance in the last three hours of their shift was anything to go by. She would have to win him back.  
He had talked about protecting her. He said he couldn’t do it but the fact that he had even thought about it, had made her stomach flutter at the time. And hadn’t he done it in the end? If Dr. Rorish had gotten wind of Mario’s escapades and the residents’ involvement, they might not have gotten off so easy. That was a good sign. Maybe nothing was lost.

Dr. Hudson walked by her. She gave him a smile. He smiled back. Her heart did a joyful flip. She turned towards him, opening her hands and her mouth. He walked past her determinately. Turning she looked after his figure, striding away.


End file.
